still in love

I almost made a terrible mistake.

Yesterday, Kara came home and said, “I want a date.” Then she looked at my face, which must have communicated something like “make me leave the house and die,” and she said, “No, tonight’s not good. Tomorrow?”

“OK,” I said. “Tomorrow.”

Today I came home second and found Kara on the bed sorting mail. I flopped down with a long sigh and waited for the cues that would let me know how much she still wanted to go to dinner.

But Kara quickly perceived that I was wiped out and cranky, and she muted her excitement so I wouldn’t feel overwhelmed. Even though I knew better, I interpreted her quietness to mean she wasn’t too keen on dinner anymore, and I felt safe enough to say, “I don’t want to go. I’ve had a crappy week, I have a ton of writing to get done, and I’m exhausted. I really just want to eat here. If you don’t want to cook, that’s fine. We can just order in.”

Silence. Crap.

“You wanted to go. You’re upset, aren’t you?”

“… I’m … disappointed … I’ve been looking forward to … I understand. You’re tired and stressed and even though I want to go, I know that a lot of the stuff that’s going on is out of your control. It’s fine if we order in. Just not pizza.”

I almost took her up on it. I almost settled for an unsatisfying take-out dinner from a restaurant neither of us wanted food from and an evening spent working on inane projects in separate rooms.

But I kept chatting. And as the conversation went on, I knew that what I wanted most in the world was to make Kara happy.

“OK. I feel better. Let’s go.”

“What about your work?”

“It’s OK. I’ll do it later.”

“I’m skeptical that you really want to do this.”

“No really, I want to go.” And I did want to go.

We went. We had a great dinner. We agreed to buy a dishwasher. It was a really nice mid-week date. Now I’m tired, but not exhausted. I’m busy, but not overwhelmed. Most importantly, Kara’s happy. And so am I.

Nights like this show off the difference between one year of marriage and six. And that makes me excited to see what 30 years can do. Stay tuned.